


What's Your Pleasure...Oh F***. Not You Again, Deadpool!

by Mutant_Toad



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Hellraiser (Movies)
Genre: Comedy, Dark Comedy, It's not funny anymore, Lament Configuration, Lemarchand's Box, Really Deadpool Stop It, Stop it Deadpool, We're Not Amused With You Anymore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-26
Updated: 2014-05-26
Packaged: 2018-01-26 13:15:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1689647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mutant_Toad/pseuds/Mutant_Toad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pinhead is tired of Deadpool's shit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What's Your Pleasure...Oh F***. Not You Again, Deadpool!

**Author's Note:**

> Husband is completely to blame for this one. Took me a total of ten minutes to write, that includes bringing it over to here from my Google Drive where I do my writing and small edits for spelling.
> 
> Enjoy!

Everything was set. The ritual was almost complete. Just as he'd been told years ago. The floorboards had been scrubbed to perfection. He'd spent a week collecting his urine should they need it. A plate of doves heads for their feasting. Rose petals scattered around for their romantic sides. Candle lighting for that romantic feeling as well.

It was all perfect. 

All in the hopes of earning that eternal pleasure.

He sat in the center of a ring of candles. The small, black box in his hands. He worked at the contraption feverishly. The small pieces came out one at a time. Showing off the beautifully polished and shined interior. He could see the reflections of previous people who had opened the device.

Beautiful sing-song music poured from somewhere inside of it. It became louder with each piece he removed. Bells joined in the singing. Then bird twitters. It was the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard.

Finally, all but one piece had slid free under his expert grip. The candles started to flicker and the sound of the bells became louder and louder. Almost deafening. Each candle went out one by one till just one in front of him was left. Each piece of the puzzle box began floating above the candle. The box started to put itself together.

Once together, the candle finally flickered out. Leaving him in total darkness for several long moments.

Then a light.

Dim at first.

Slowly brightening.

A pale blue light that seemed to come from the walls.

The floorboards shook. Creaking apart.

They were coming.

The first came. A tall figure clad in black leather. Black leather sewn into the skin in some parts. Dead blue skin covered his face, along with a grid like pattern of scaring. Needle like pins poked into every intersection of the grid scarring.

"What is your pleasure..." the creature stopped and stared at the man sitting on the floor. It's emotionless face twisted into annoyance, "Dammit, Deadpool! I don't have time for this!"

"Oh, come on, Pinny. Just for a little bit. Say it, say it, say it, say it..." the man clad in red and black bounced up from the floor and started hopping around the demonic being like a child trying to get a toy from it's parent at the store, "Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please..."

"Oh fucking hell..." the beast facepalmed, pushing a few of the pins straight back into it's head, "Fine. But you need to stop doing this. We have people to take to damnation. Important work."

"Yes!" the merc with the mouth fist pumped the air and jumped a little, "Okay. Let me get back into position."

Deadpool skidded back across the floor and hopped back into the circle of extinguished candles, "Okay. Ready!"

Pinhead shook his head and straightened himself up, "What is your pleasure, Sir?"

All dramatically, the man threw up his arms in fear, "Oh god, no. What is this I have done!? Please, don't kill me! Please don't take my soul from me!"

The pinned beast rolled it's eyes, "I have eternity to know your flesh. I will tear your soul apart."

"Oh god! I repent. Please! Don't take me! Spare my soul!" he fell forward on his face, kicking and pounding with his fist like a child having a tantrum.

"Are we done here?"

Deadpool hopped up from the floor, "Totally. Great performance this time, Pinny. Loved the entrance this time."

The beast snatched the box from the floor and headed back to the gateway that had opened in the wall, "Stop looking for this! It's not for you. Fucking hell..."

Deadpool grinned under his mask, "Totally worth it."


End file.
